Stephen Colbert touched on Elon Musk’s exit from the Trump White house during his monologue on Monday’s “The Late Show,” and during his commentary he solved one particularly weird mystery about Musk’s White House exit press conference.
“The weirdest, I think maybe the weirdest part of this weird, weird meeting was Elon’s face, because, for some reason, he had a black eye. Oh no, if only someone in the White House had access to makeup,” Colbert joked, referencing, of course, Trump’s suspected application of heavy stage makeup.
“So why? Why the black eye? Who hates who hates Elon Musk enough to punch him in the face? I’m not Sherlock Holmes, but could it be,” Colbert said as he ducked below the camera. Then he popped back up wearing a Sherlock Holmes-style deerstalker cap and holding a pipe and added, “Everyone?!?”
“When asked about the shiner, Elon blamed his five year old son, X,” Colbert explained before running a clip of Musk claiming he was rough housing with said
toddler, and asked the toddler to punch him.”
“Completely normal thing every, every normal parent says to their child because, because we all know parents, know you got them on bedtime like a prison yard. Okay, okay, buddy, you know the drill. Put on your PJs, brush your teeth and walk up to the biggest daddy in this room and punch him right in the face,” Colbert joked. Then he turned his attention to the bombshell New York Times report over the weekend alleging Musk indulges in extreme levels of mind altering drug consumption.
“Now, to be to be fair, Elon might seem a little eccentric, because he is absolutely suited to the gills on vitamin three. According to a new report, during the 2024 campaign, Elon was using drugs far more intensely than previously known, including ecstasy and psychedelic mushrooms… Elon’s favorite flavor of brain spice, evidently, was was ketamine, which he told people he was taking so much of that it was affecting his bladder. Wow. Bad for Elon. Great for my pre show exercises,” Colbert joked, adding, “the A-hole’s K-hole, F’d his P-hole.”
“Elon had previously said that he took a small amount of the drug to treat depression, but it seems like he might have been taking away more than that, because bladder problems impact chronic users of ketamine and can lead to frequent and painful urination and episodes of incontinence,” Colbert continued. “That is rough. You know, you’re depressed, so you take ketamine, you take so much ketamine that you pee your pants and that makes you more depressed. So you need more ketamine, I mean, is there is there any way to break this vicious cycle?”
Then he ran a clip of Iowa Senator Joni Ernst saying, “we are all going to perish.” Which, speaking of, Colbert began the monologue clowning on her comments about death over the weekend. You can watch the full monologue below:
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