Stephen Colbert bit the hand that feeds him during his monologue on Tuesday in a hilarious way, roasting Paramount Global — which owns “The Late Show” network CBS — over rumors it intends to settle Donald Trump lawsuit with a sky high payment.
What inspired Colbert’s commentary was a rumor, shared Monday night by CNN’s Jake Tapper, that Paramount Global could end up paying Trump as $50 million to settle the president’s baseless lawsuit. But before Colbert got to that point, he first talked about Trump’s larger attacks on press freedom, and the outlets who “capitulate” rather than stand up for themselves.
“I better be careful talking about this at all, because even talking about Trump’s Qatari jet can get you into trouble these days,” Colbert said during the monologue. “Just take ABC News. Last year, you may remember, Trump sued them for defamation after Trump claimed that George Stephanopoulos mischaracterized his sexual abuse of E Jean Carroll.”
Colbert then noted how ABC News parent company Disney settled with Trump by giving $15 million to Trump’s presidential library,” then joked “and to punish Stephanopoulos, Disney replaced him on this week with live action Stitch.”
“Now, emboldened by their folding,” Colbert said, pronouncing “folding” to rhyme with “embolden.” He then noted Trump’s threat over the weekend to sue Disney again for any negative coverage of the luxury jet Qatar offered to him as a gift, which included Trump bragging about the millions Disney paid him when it caved.
“You see Disney. This is what happens when you capitulate to an autocrat. He’s just gonna keep coming back for more,” Colbert said, adding, “thanks to this precedent, thanks to this terrible precedent, Trump thinks he can extort the media wherever and whenever they do something he doesn’t like, and that directly affects my beloved parent, conglomerate, Paramount.”
“You know, their slogan: Paramount. I don’t know. Maybe SpongeBob could fight a transformer on Star Trek?” Colbert joked.
Colbert then reminded his audience how Trump is suing Paramount over the 2024 “60 Minutes” interview with Kamala Harris. “Legal experts say this is a nuisance lawsuit, widely seen as lacking legal merit,” Colbert said, joking, “that is also embossed on Rudy Giuliani’s business cards.”
“Now, at first, at first, CBS said they’d fight this frivolous lawsuit. But here’s the rub,” Colbert continued. “Paramount is in the process of being sold right now, and they need the Trump administration’s FCC to approve transferring the CBS broadcast license to the new owners, which, for vague reasons, they just haven’t done yet. And last night, Jake Tapper tweeted, a source close to negotiations, says Paramount CBS could settle with the President Trump for as much as 30 to $50 million.”
Colbert then noted the letter sent to Paramount Global majority shareholder Shari Redstone on Tuesday warning her a settlement could violate bribery laws, noting that “handing over a pile of cash to a president over a frivolous lawsuit to get your broadcast license approved sounds so shady.”
Then Colbert, with mock decisiveness, said, “Ladies and gentlemen, I am a proud company man, I love who I work for, and I will stand up against these scurrilous accusations that Paramount is engaged in corporate and political malfeasance… for the low price of $50 million.”
“Paramount, come on, let’s just talk turkey here. Daddy just wants to get his beak wet. You cut the check and zip,” he continued, miming zipping his mouth shut.
“I’m joking, obviously, satire, etc. I would, I would never take a bribe from CBS,” Colbert said, turning to another camera and hastily adding, “if Donald Trump outbids them! Because, Mr. President, I’m willing to testify on your side in this lawsuit for 50 million and $1.”
“And remember, remember, sir. This is not this is not a gift to me. It is a gift to the Stephen Colbert Presidential Library and pizzeria,” he added.
Watch the whole thing below:
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