Jimmy Fallon kicked off his monologue on Wednesday’s “The Tonight Show” with some amusing jokes about the historic heatwave gripping large parts of America, including New York City. And he used that as a jumping off point to talk about the city’s Democratic Mayoral Primary.
That primary featured the upset victory of state Assemblyman Zohran Mamdani, the 33-year-old Democratic Socialist who would be New York’s first mayor of South Asian descent and first Muslim mayor if he wins in November. Mamdani came in considerably ahead of his opponents, including former Governor Andrew Cuomo, who until recently had been expected to win. Read more about it here.
After some introductory pleasantries and discussion of the heat wave, Fallon said, “Seriously, it was so hot today,” prompting “how hot was it” from the audience.
“It was so hot today, OnlyFans is only selling fans,” Fallon joked. “It’s so hot, on my way into work, I saw a squirrel icing his nuts. It was so hot, Ispent the day sweating like a “Love Island” contestant trying to read a book without pictures.
It was so hot, I was sweating worse than Andrew Cuomo campaign manager.”
“Yeah, everyone was talking about this last night. In a major upset, Zohran Mamdani beat Andrew Cuomo to win New York’s democratic mayoral primary. Mamdani is 33 years old. After he won, he was like, ‘my seven roommates are never gonna believe this. Dudes,” Fallon joked.
“33 years old is a good age, because he knows the meaning of both the spending cap and no cap,” Fallon continued. “Yeah, last night, 33 year old Senate Assemblyman Zohran Mamdani pulled off a huge upset and is now the favorite to win the general election. Check out what some former mayors said after his big win.”
Then Fallon took the opportunity to roast one particular former mayor of New York: “First, Mike Bloomberg said, ‘I wish you the best, Mr. Mamdani, becoming mayor was the greatest honor of my life.’ Next, Bill de Blasio said, ‘we’re all rooting for you, there’s nothing like being mayor of New York.’ Then Rudy Giuliani said, ‘Yo, kid, can I borrow 20 bucks?’ Then next, Mike Bloomberg said, ‘running the city is challenging, but also rewarding.’ Then Rudy Giuliani said, ‘forget the 20 bucks. Can I sleep in your car? Not so long, just like six or seven months.’ And de Blasio said, ‘I look forward to watching his campaign.’ And finally, Rudy Giuliani said, ‘quick question, is it better to train a pigeon to retrieve food or just eat the pigeon?’”
You can watch the whole monologue below:
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