Following the death of Pope Francis, the conclave to elect the next leader of the Catholic church will begin on May 7. But John Oliver already knows who he wants to take over — and it’s purely because the man has a funny last name.
To kick off the latest episode of “Last Week Tonight” on Sunday, the HBO host noted that the pope died just a day after meeting JD Vance, joking that it was “honestly relatable.” Then, he ran down the list of current candidates for the pope’s replacement, which includes Cardinal Pierbattista Pizzaballa — a name that translates literally to “pizza dance.”
“And I know that sounds almost offensively Italian, but do keep in mind, every last name in Italy means ‘pizza dance,’” Oliver said with a laugh. “Now, would electing a Pope Pizza Dance instantly repair the reputation of the Catholic church? Obviously the answer is: we won’t know until we try.”
So, with that said, Oliver sent a message to Vance ahead of the conclave.
“You stay the f–k away from Cardinal Pizza Dance! You don’t meet him, you don’t go near him, you don’t even think about him!” Oliver joked.
The late night host then conceded that picking a pope solely based on his name may not be the proper way to go about doing things, but that doesn’t matter one bit.
“Sure, he might be a terrible pope, but don’t take away Papa Pizzaballa from us. The way the world is, we need this right now!” Oliver finished.
“Last Week Tonight” airs Sunday nights on HBO and Max.
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